I got rid of my old bed. The iron one with lots of lattice that made it easy to be tied up. My new bed is a sleigh bed, much more traditional. No way to tie me up. But so much more comfortable when I nurse my son. And it will be better when we read books for years to come.
He is beautiful and a delight. I think I'm happier than I've ever been. I miss sex and physical closeness. I wish I had a partner. I'm shocked as how much kink is like mom/baby. I am responsible for all his needs; he has to trust me to meet them. I always put him first, but he doesn't really get a say in what happens (other than crying, which I listen to--I suppose some mom's can tell by the cry what is going on but I'm not one of them). I try to please him. So much. You can't spoil a baby But I also make sure I look out for his long-term needs. Molding him a bit. Training him a bit. I hope he grows up to be vanilla. I hope to protect him from all the world.
I don't miss dating. I may date again, but probably vanilla. If I met someone into kink, that would be amazing, but it will always be more important to me now to find someone who was a good father, rather than a good lover.
The end of a book series I loved ended with "I am content." But actually, I'm pretty joyous right now.
