Betrayal

It wasn't really BETRAYAL, per say.  More like betrayal.

But he was the first man I liked in a while.  I knew he was long distance.  I knew he used to live here, but had business that would be bringing him here more often.  I told him I wouldn't play, and he should look for a girl that would. 

But the truth is, I really liked him.  We were talking and flirting almost every day.  Then he asked me to look over a presentation.

Did I betray him when I looked at the properties in the document he sent me and found his real name?  Was it wrong to google him?  Honestly, I haven't done that before.  But I did it this time.  

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he is married.

But I'm sad.  He made me feel a little more alive.  A bit hopeful about the future.  Fortunately, while a lot of flirting has happened. I wasn't going to meet him until next week when, I know doubt, would have noticed a tan line on the 4th finger of his left hand.

There aren't pieces to pick up.  But it is hard to be warm and open all the time.  So much easier to be cynical.  So easy to feel like I've lost the chance and all the good ones are gone.  Of course, the not-so-good-ones are cheating.  

I have a good life.  This just isn't one of parts of my life that is good.  But it is a good life.  But it makes me really sad.  I feel like there's an awful lot of people that take advantage of me.  An ex-friend owes me $3500.  And I guess that's OK.  I'm still dealing with little messes from the ex, even though we ended that the night Obama was elected.  Everyone sees me as someone good for things.  But not for life. It makes me sad.