Responsibility and Reluctance

We had a rocky start to my visit, but I think we're doing really well now.

I like having reluctance overcome.  I don't necessarily want to take responsibility for my own desires.  Or maybe I do in my mind, but  I am hungrier and kinkier than I would care to admit.  I want, no, I need, to be used hard, but I don't want to admit that.

When I got to Europe, I was tired. This is absolutely true.  I had a bad (but cheap) and very long flight, and I'd been really busy before so I was a little worn out before I left.

MaxEarnest took very gentle care of me.  He made sure I met his needs, but he didn't use me hard, and I got more and more tired and less and less engaged.  We fought over little things.  The less engaged I got, the more careful he got with me.

Needless to say, it was a nasty cycle.  I tried a little to provoke things, calling him teacher and mispronouncing numbers in another language.  (I don't actually disobey on real stuff), but he was careful with me.

Finally, I got a little tipsy and a little obnoxious, and said, perhaps in an inelegant way, what I needed, and he really, really heard me.

The truth is, when sex is going well with MaxEarnest, it is amazing.  And all our myriad differences seem scale-able.  

The other truth is that I'm more of a masochist than I've ever admitted, mostly because I've never trusted anyone else as much, but also because MaxEarnest uses that information by degrees.  He doesn't haul out a single tail and wail away.  He prods and smacks and clamps more and more, but he doesn't make me numb out.

And I'm pretty insatiable.  I may not see much of Europe.  But it is good.