Ice Cream

The sound of the ice-cream truck wafts through my windows.  I wasn't even thinking about food, but it calls.  I resist, but it takes a lot of energy to resist.

I'm working out with a personal trainer and he wants me to quit eating any ice-cream at all.  None. For two weeks.

On one level, that seems reasonable, but I can't do it.  I limit myself to 200 calories of ice-cream a day (on good days).  On days when I think about not having any for 2 weeks, I eat much too much of something else.

What is is about ice-cream?

I was talking with a very thin friend of mine (let's call her Twiggy) and she has a friend who is less in control of her eating than I was 40 pounds heavier. According to Twiggy, the other woman is eating an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's just about every day.  That is around 1200 calories a day of ice-cream, give or take.  And there are days I've done that.  Now I get out my scale and have 120 grams of Edy's slow-churned, with lots of fruit, most days.

What is it about ice-cream?

For me, ice-cream, more than any other food, is love.  My favorite memory ever with "the ex" was a night when a blog I wrote (on a different site) really took off.  I had about 700 comments and he was so pleased, went out, bought me ice-cream and fed me little bites while I blogged.  It was so sweet.  It was so loving.

I have many lovely memories of MaxEarnest, but ice-cream probably what I miss most about Europe (although not MaxEarnest).  We would go to this cafe and he'd order coffee and buy me an ice-cream sundae.  It was such a sign of love.  Such a sign that he knew he I was and accepted me as I was and wanted me to be happy.

I haven't figured out food since MaxEarnest.  I'm kinder with my food.  Much more gentle.  Before MaxEarnest, I didn't really allow myself to enjoy food.  Too dangerous.  Now I have ice-cream in the house (but only Edy's slow-churned vanilla--anything else I will eat much too quickly).  And I only have it with fruit.  I even let myself have Trader Joe's triple-ginger ginger snaps.  But only crumbled over ice-cream (and I think I've had about 4 tubs of them in the last year.  Shockingly, the current ones are actually stale--I used to not allow myself to buy them because I could eat a tub in a couple of days.  Honestly, I probably ate a tub in a day one time.  I don't remember, but I wouldn't be surprised.)

So I'm much more in control of my eating.  I let myself buy a 6-cup container of Edy's every week (1 cup has 200 calories, and is 120 grams).  And I'm enjoying food more.  And I'm 10 pounds heavier than I was.  I don't know how to balance that.

But the thought of giving up ice-cream makes me want to eat. Cupcakes. Tarts. Cookies. Much higher in calories and not actually as lovely as ice-cream.