Standards

You are the promised kiss of springtime

That makes the lonely winter seem long...

(oops--wrong standard...)

I spent the weekend with Dotty--she had a friend's wedding to attend on my coast, but only really had about 8 hours of time requirements spread out over 3 days.  I flew down to meet her and we spent the weekend together.  In addition to Dotty, I hung out with her friend that got married and also met Dotty's cousin, that cousin's husband and their friends.   I really liked Dotty's cousin and their friends.  They seemed lovely, grounded, joyful, engaged, smart, funny, plain people.  So much of the world I travel in feels very image conscious.  I'm far more image conscious than I ever thought I would be.  These people were the people I always wanted to be.  But I feel like men, for the most part, judge me on my looks first and foremost, and I've just sort of resigned myself to that being the way it is.  I still don't do anything extreme, like wear daily makeup, but I do an awful lot to try and fit into the rather small box that is conventional feminine beauty.

 Dotty's friend tried to set Dotty up with two different men and Dotty had no interest in either.  One was boring and the other was a little blah.  It made me realize that Dotty and I approach dating very differently.  Dotty needs a reason to be interested in someone.  I need a reason not to be.  Or maybe, I should put that a different way--being kinky is enough of a reason for me to be initially interested in a guy, barring something else. I think I treat vanilla men the way Dotty treats all men.  And  if I've been out with a kinky guy 3 times, and I'm still not interested, I let it go, but for a date? I totally don't expect to have a "this-is-what-I-like-about-this-man."  

Although, that isn't actually true.  There are men on CM who have 1-line profiles and they write me one-line responses.  One, recently, had a Boston Redsocks hat in his profile photo, so I asked if he was from Boston, since I grew up in the area. I also asked what else we might have in common and he said "No--I just like the Red Socks. What we have in common? I'm a single Dom."  I ignored all his other e-mails after that, because to me, the lack of an ability to start a conversation (and my profile is super-long, specifically so someone can identify where we have common interests!) was a reason not to go out with him.  (I think I actually do that with lots of men--I really do expect someone who can carry his half of the conversation, and when his profile is non-existent, I expect him to carry a lot more than half.)  But I don't think of that as high standards.  I just think of that as necessary.  Dotty meanwhile has what I consider crazy-high standards.  Dotty is absolutely convinced that we will both fall in love with men worth marrying; I'm not at all convinced for myself, and even less convinced for Dotty (as she doesn't do on-line dating, only considers men with graduate degrees and is very, very picky even with those requirements).  I think she is the most amazing person.  I love her SO much.  But I guess i don't have a lot of faith in the universe for either of us.