Silly Girl

I am not wanting to blog about vulnerabilities right now.  I think that whatever I blog about is highlighted in my own life, and right now, I seem to be mostly exploring strength.  Which leaves a heck of a lot less to blog about because strengths and happy things are relatively boring.  But double-standards are not boring.

I just cut a guy out because he called me "cute" and then "silly."  Context--I boycott "Yahoo."  I really think they are one of the most evil companies around.  Sure, Chiquita has done a lot worse things in the past, but for Yahoo to reveal the names of Chinese political activists who were blogging and knowingly put those men in prison is horrifying to me!  Twitter didn't given the Egyptian government names. Facebook didn't give the Iranian government names.  Internet companies need to protect the privacy of users who are working for democratic reforms.  That is a passion of mine (and in addition to blogging here, I have been very involved in using the internet for change in the U.S.; less so now, but during the Bush administration, the possibility of the internet for democratic activism is about the only thing that gave me hope).

So this guy, like many guys, wanted me to use Yahoo messenger and I told him why I won't and he said "Oh, that's cute!"  I was really put off by that.  I felt like he didn't listen to what I was saying; he viewed me like a puppy performing a trick.  It left a bad taste in my mouth, but I asked him if he wanted a woman who would follow him in and out of the bedroom, or just in the bedroom.  (He was from the Middle East, is a practicing Muslim, and has only lived in this country for about 10 years.  I don't tend to click well with practicing religious folks of any persuasion.  Be they Buddhist, Catholic or Jewish--I'm agnostic enough that I tend to be more likely to prefer agnostics, but not fundamentalist Atheists--I guess I really like doubt!  I also tend to be wary of men who grew up in cultures that are even more sexist than ours.  And I think to define yourself as a "feminist" from Saudi Arabia means a very different thing than a feminist from Seattle. He has been here a decade; I was willing to give him a chance, but I was wary. I don't mean to sound xenophobic; I know there are people from all over the world who buck their cultures and I know there are good aspects to all cultures, but when you're playing with male dominance and female submission, for me it has to be an erotic kick and not a quotidian expectation.)  

Anyway, he wrote me back and said "I respect you; I respect women; I'm a feminist." In several thoughtful paragraphs.  But he said "Respond to me by text."  Well, I don't do philosophical conversations in 144 characters or less typed with my thumbs. So I said "Got your e-mail. Thanks. Here's the text you asked for." And he said "You silly, silly girl."

I was furious.

And here is the double-standard.  I loved being silly with John.  Loved it.  I played dumb with John and he played right along with me and it was a ball.  "How did you sleep?" "Not well--this giant ball of fire came up early this morning outside my window! And I called the city and asked what was going on, and they didn't even understand why it was a problem!"  But he ALWAYS knew when I was serious (there are men in prison in China because Yahoo revealed their anonymity) and joking (I don't know what the sun is).  And being able to play dumb and have someone to play along, made me feel girlish and attractive and it was lovely.  But having the public, passionate, engaged woman seen as "cute" and "silly" just pissed me the hell off.

It was a curious juxtaposition.  From my end it is very understandable.  But I also see how confusing it might be for a guy, who doesn't know me well, wanting to date me.