So I've been talking with a sweet, vanilla guy, that I've been enjoying . And then it turns out he is a fedex delivery guy. He wasn't exactly upfront with me about that, but my first reaction was that seemed like it would be a good fit with me. But I didn't want to be snobby, so I still planned on meeting him. He wants to teach karate. But he isn't yet a blackbelt, so it would be at least 4 years before that happened, and then he'd need the start-up money to get a studio. It seems like a very hard plan to have for a career.
But, then it turns out his ex-wife is paying him alimony. That totally threw me the wrong way. I could see being willing to pull more than half, but if it didn't work out, there's no way I would want to support him. They have no kids--why should she pay alimony (and yes, I would feel the same way if the genders were reversed. I can see alimony 30 years ago, and I can see it for a few years if one person helped the other through college. If Sarah worked as a secretary support Sam in college and then they split--sure, Sam can help Sarah get through college.) I've worked my butt off to get where I am. I work a second job around 3 nights a week to make a little extra. I love what I do, but I also made a lot of sacrifices to get here. He has sort of floated around, not committed to anything. Why should I risk supporting him? I know, I know. It would only be if we got married. And if we got married I could insist on a pre-nup. But if we got married, he would lose his alimony from his wife.
So, am I just being shallow here? My ex dropped out of high school, but he was more successful than I was and very smart. I was proud of what he did. It honestly was never an issue. Part of me thinks I should just be glad he's being open about this, but then I wonder if there's other stuff he hasn't disclosed. And the alimony thing just feels wrong to me.
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2 comments:
Always go with your guts...
Married or not associating with a person who you feel is not pulling their own will pull and take from you.
It may not always be your money, but is will be your time, your emotions and your sense of self.
I meet many perfectly nice guys and girls and I realized that I wasn't attracted to them as much as I was attracted to them being attracted to me.
That made me feel like a bitch. I wasn't attracted to them because they had not done things to better themselves or their lives, or they weren't into kink or they didn't read enough...that made me feel like a snob
I'm far from perfect but I have standards... it took me a while to not feel selfish about those standards.
There are certain things you require and deserve out of a relationship...
make sure you get them.
Thank you AhnanahmusleeYours. It is funny--because I'm not out to my friends, I never talk to them about this sort of thing, so I just don't have the sort of sounding board on dating I would like to have.
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