Moving on

MaxEarnest and I parted today.  It was the kindest, most loving moving on I have ever seen.  He is such a lovely, loving man, and I'm so grateful to him.  He is such a foundation of holding, of serene warmth and love.  It made it much harder to say goodbye, but it will make it much easier for us to be friends.  I think I will always love him.  I expect our paths will continue to cross, but I don't know how.  It made me so sad to say goodbye to him.  He is such a wonderful man.

The reason MaxEarnest released me is because I have been going out with someone else.  He is more vanilla, and I don't know that I'd ever share this blog with him.  But I think he would be a great father and a great partner in life and in my intellectual endeavors.  He is kind and warm and we communicate very, very well.  He is open in having kids and thinks I am his soul mate.  We've only gone out 9 times.  We haven't slept together.  I don't know what happens next. But I think if I had tried to spend a couple of months with MaxEarnest at Christmas, there's a great chance it would have torpedoed the new guy and I.

There's another thing I'm saying goodbye to.  At least for now.  And that is this blog.  I will miss it.  I have loved writing it.  But somehow, I don't think I should be blogging if I can't share it with the new guy.  It may be in a few months I can, but I just don't know if or when I can and I feel like to have good communication with him, I don't want to be actively hiding something from him.  

MaxEarnest was everything I wanted in sex, and I realized that sex is not enough.  I want a family.  I want to share a home and a life.  I don't know how I'll do in a more vanilla environment, but this new man wants a vanilla life that is so compatible with mine.  

I had a crisis at work this week and both men were there for me.  And a lot of people at work were there for me too.  The crisis isn't solved.  I don't know if I'll keep my main job, but I really feel like MaxEarnest's unconditional love has changed me.  Maybe people at work would have been there for me the same way if this had happened last year.  Maybe the change is that I can now see it.