Life

I miss MaxEarnest.  In my head, I know we wouldn't have worked.  We weren't working.  I missed him all the time and my life started being much more about waiting for a vacation than living a life.

The new guy is everything MaxEarnest isn't, and that is both good and bad.  We work together really, really well in everything except sex.  We want very similar life goals. We are supporting each other very well.  I've had a rough time at work and the new guy (also a lawyer) spent a lot of time going over lawyerly stuff with me, that was quite helpful.  He is sweet, loves my cooking (thanks MaxEarnest!) and talks dirty to me about wanting to have babies and has already made it clear that we should get married, probably in late 2013.  And I think he's right.

Sex is boring, though.  He will occasionally talk about how I'm all his, but he is a timid lover.  I got him to spank me once and he spanked me about as hard as you'd pat a dog's head.

And I don't know what the fuck to do!  My head says that this is so right in so many ways, and I can have a rich fantasy life.  But part of me worries that I could have an affair in a decade.  But then I'm like--nah.  Most women have less libido in their 50s.  He would be a good father.  He is a good man.  (MaxEarnest is a good man too, but didn't want kids, or to live in the U.S.)

I'm so grateful to MaxEarnest.  I feel like he has made so much of my life possible.  Crazy that I had a wonderful first love in my 40s.  Maybe not even a first long, but a first good love.