Possiblities

I've been talking with this man for a few months and finally met, and we have a lot in common.

He (let's call him David) is smart with many similar interests.

David said my smile expressed joy. Isn't that lovely? He said I was beautiful too. (And when we went to a bar, I got carded, which was nice.)

He is fabulous in bed. Just fabulous. We haven't had sex, but we've fooled around a lot and he is dominant and generous at the same time. He told me to do something and it was clear I didn't like it, and he was like "Don't do that again." I think it was the first orgasm I've ever had where my mind wasn't somewhere else. I was completely with him. And then, he turned around and gave me another one.

He calls himself 'daddy' when we were fooling around, and it was weird to say that the first time. I think I was scared Freud would immediately rise from the dead and start taking notes or something. But it isn't like I'm going to confuse him with my father. And it is kind of a hot dynamic.

There's one thing that kind of terrifies me. He has 2 kids and his son has autism. From what I can tell, not having met either kid, it is mild. And I swore to St. Anthony (I'm totally an agnostic, with a statue of st. Anthony that I've asked to help me find a family) that if we work out, I will be the best mother I can, no turning back. But it scares me. It's a really big label and I have no idea what it means in his case. I've had a premonition that I would have a child with autism for a very, very long time. I think that is part of the reason I didn't want kids when I was younger, and then I said 'life happens, and I'll deal with what comes.' I'm hoping when I meet his kids, they will be these humans with positives and negatives and ways we click and ways we don't. Not a label. But the label still scares me. Not enough to run away. But enough to say that what could be a fairy-tale romance is human.