It was pouring rain and the coffee shop I intended to go to was closed. We walked through the Seattle sunshine and it felt like the perfect backdrop for a movie breakup.
I kept reminding myself to breathe and be kind. I think I was kind.
Tony was, in my opinion, a bit of a twit. He didn't apologize for anything, just focused on how it would affect him for his 3-hour-a-week job that I got him. He didn't want me to say anything to my closest friend at work. (The two of us had stayed at that friend's house, so it seems unlikely that I could just not say anything for 4 more months.) I said I would say "we had an amicable parting--do what is best for the program" and Tony was really unhappy with that. I told him I wouldn't lie to my friend, and my friend would ask how we were, so what did he want me to say, and he was quite frustrated with me. He really felt like I had put him in an awkward position at work. I said "yeah, it will be awkward for a week, but we're grown-ups and we respect each other and we'll get over it." It seemed to want me to apologize for putting him in such an awkward situation by passing his resume on, when he had been talking about how much he wanted it several months ago and then breaking up with him when he started being complacent and taking me for granted. (I made it clear that I didn't 'get him the job.' I just passed his resume on.)
I did my best to be kind. But he wanted to stay friends and I said no. Frankly, I expect better behaviour from my friends, and I kind of told him that. For friends, I want thoughtful people that think about my needs too.
But I think I was kind and I am clear I did the right thing. But I'm sad. I don't know what changed between us. And it seemed like he cared more about the 3-hour-a-week job I got him than about me. He even acknowledged that everything changed between us once he started that job. I told him I want to be cherished and I want to cherish in a loving family. I hope the universe brings me that. But I'm sad and wonder.
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