Well, I doubt anyone will still read this, but getting rid of my blog didn't open up great amounts of creativity on my part. In fact, I felt like it shut down my creativity a little bit. I had a great spurt on my novel, and then half-way through, I just stopped.
I also seem to be stuck in my life. My e-harmony subscription is expiring, and I'm letting it. There was only one eharmony guy I was interested in, and he seems to be letting it slip away, so c'est la vie.
And yet, the 2 days having an ad back on collarme, really reminded me why I wasn't there. I actually am thinking about getting together with my ex, and that thought shocks me. And yet, I miss sleeping in his arms. I haven't slept with anyone since him, and it isn't even the sex I'm craving. It is the sleeping next to another person, hearing him breathe, feeling his arms around me.
It is very weird--I know there are several men right now that would like to be with me, that I have said no to. And I'm clear as to why I said no to each one. And I have no regrets there. And I know who I thought I wanted, and I know it won't happen, so I have to let that go. And my ex would help me let go of that. But ...
I know he wasn't good for me in some ways, and yet in others, he was. And lately, he has been a steady and warm presence. I don't even know if it would be a mistake. I told him I'd kindof lost my sex drive since the Republican slapped me, and all I really wanted was to be held, and he said "you can come over; I'll hold you." That was sweet. There's no future there, but all my attempts to find someone that might be a future seem to have been for naught. Maybe something will happen when I least expect it. I've tried to live integrity. But sometimes I think it would be easier to not have integrity be quite so important to me.
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