Sub Space

Philip wanted to know if I had sub space, what it was and how I got there.  (Sure.  Easy!)

But we were talking about it, and I think I figured it out.

For me, I want to not think for "sub space" but if I stop feeling too, then it ends up moving from "sub space" (good) to 'victim space' (bad).  It is the difference of me experiencing kink to me feeling abused.  The Ex made me not feel.  It was too much.  It hurt, so I numbed out and sex because something I had to endure

So for me, sub space:

• I want to feel protected.
• I want to not have responsibilities (other than obeying.  I'm fine with obeying)
• Restraints and blindfolds are very simple ways for me to get there.
• Liminality does the same thing.  When I can't easily label a sensation, then I tend to stop trying.  BUT if I can easily label it as pain, I withdraw.  (Interestingly, I've never enjoyed receiving oral sex, and I think it is the flip side of the same thing. I'm supposed to enjoy this. I don't enjoy it all that much and I feel like I'm doing something wrong.  Receiving Oral sex is like drinking vanilla extract.  I love cooking with vanilla. It is my favorite spice, but it is a spice, not the only ingredient!)
• I think role playing would be too, but I've never been with someone who likes role playing.  But I like playing a character and I think that would give my active brain something to do, so I could surrender pretty easily that way.

It is interesting that Philip, who comes across as a bit of a smart-aleck, has been as introspective about kink as he has.