A New Direction

So, I am finally taking Stephen's advice. I removed my ad from CollarMe. I don't know for how long, but I have 2 months left on an eharmony subscription, and I'm going to try that 100% till it expires. Well, that and the other, vanilla ways people meet.

I think the Republican got frustrated with me after he slapped me on the face and called me a 'dumb bitch' and I freaked out. Well, you know, I'm glad I freaked out. I don't want to be slapped on the face, except under very special circumstances, and I don't want to be called a dumb bitch at all. And I'm tired of trying to compromise on that. I bet more men than not, vanilla or not, would be delighted with the erotic packaged I'd offer: "Gee, honey, I really get off on pleasing you, in whatever way you like, but you'll have to let me know what you want me to do, 'make' me do it, and let me know you liked it." Really, what is so horrible about that? Are there any men reading this blog that would freak if a girlfriend of three months dropped that little bombshell on them? (Well, is anyone reading this blog? That's another issue.)

And there is a man on eharmony who has spent the last week flirting with me in the most marvelous way. This man is excited by my work, supportive, smart, optimistic and even researched one of my interests enough to find out that I'm mentioned on the wikipedia page connected with it! (I didn't even know--I made Wikipedia! Wow--I don't have an entry on me--just mentioned in something else, but I'm sort of known for something!) He figured out I was interested in something I mentioned, wanted to know more and went to look at it! How lovely! And he is interested in my work and I believe would be an enthusiastic and kind partner. And, he said in his 'must haves' on eharmony that he must have a passionate woman, willing to explore our mutual sexual interests. So, that's gotta mean GGG, right?

The Republican got under my skin, and I haven't been as engaged with this lovely man, who may not be strong enough to dominate me, but he might be strong enough to seduce me and relax me and protect me. (We haven't yet met, but we've talked on the phone, and I like his pictures, and really liked our chemistry talking.) And maybe the whole D/s thing is really like enjoying junk food. Of course Ben & Jerry's Phish Food tastes better than fresh fruit. And, in small quantities, that's OK. But if you gorge on Phish Food, you'll make yourself sick. And if you stay away from the Phish Food, the texture of mangoes and the flavors of berries and the soft kiss of honeydew and the sharp crisp of watermelon actually brings far more pleasure than Phish Food. Maybe I'm wrong and I'll be back with the Ben & Jerry's in May. But maybe I've been trying for a quick fix when what I really need is a strong foundation. It is worth a try.


Sooner or later, if I got serious about someone, I'd have to tell him about this side of me, and that scares me a great deal. Fortunately, I've never been promiscuous, at all. (Sorry--I'm sure I'd have a much more interesting blog if I were.) But I wonder if this touches on the madonna/whore dichotomy. If a man would be horrified to find out that, within a monogamous relationship, without any of the promiscuity the word implies, he was dating a woman who really just wanted to be his slut. I think that's what men want. But I think it is only part of what they want, and they also recoil from such a thing. I don't know.