Is it better to be right than loved?

Growing up, my dad would try to teach me to not care about 'being right.' "It is better to be right than loved" he'd say, sarcastically. And, he was right. In our society, a woman who insists on being right can find it hard to be loved.

The problem is, these weren't over things like "He said/she said." These were over facts. You know, those pesky things you can look up in a book, or verify. What century was Shakespeare? Did Ghandi have an affair? Can we buy dog shampoo at one store or do we need to make a special trip.

I seem to have this weird fetish for facts. I tell myself "drop it" and I can't. Tonight, I got in a big fight with my mother because she was talking about how the "Goddess cultures" and matriarchal societies predominated the world before the Hebrew culture, which was a reaction to the Goddess cultures, came in and wiped them out. And I said it wasn't true. I had wanted to believe it, but it was based on poor evidence and some of it was made up. And she went on about Isis, as if that meant the Ancient Egyptian culture was centered around glorifying women, and the fact that Isis was one of several gods didn't mean anything.

I could tell my mom was getting really pissed off that I kept saying "I don't think that's true" and she kept going to mythology to back up her view of history and I tried to change the subject several times, but she kept coming back.

Now, my mother will love me, no matter what. But, this same dynamic plays back and forth. And maybe I'm wrong, and the last few years have uncovered new evidence, but the more interesting reason becomes: 'why does my sense of the facts become more important than the relationships?' Why the hell can't I just say "you're right; I'm wrong" when I don't think that is the case?

And the other question is, was my dad right: Do I have to pick between being right and being loved? Emotionally, I'd rather be loved, but for me, it isn't love if I'm pretending. And not correcting that Shakespeare died at the beginning of the 17th century, not the 15th century would drive me crazy! I'll do most anything a person I love wants. I take incredible care of the of the people I love. But I can't pretend black is white.

It drives my best friend crazy, and for some reason, with her, I've learned to shut up. She says "we parked on the left side of the parking lot" and we're walking to the right where the car is, and I don't say anything. But I can't seem to translate that skill to other people.

But at the same time, and I guess this adds to my ever-growing list of demands and weird things about me, it would be awfully nice to find someone that would say "Hey--let's look it up and find out" rather than "I know I'm right."