Sexism and Sex

Some 50-year-old jerk e-mailed me out of the blue to say “Seems there’s no shortage of uneducated, self-absorbed, fat women here.” And it really, really bothered me. I wrote him back to say “I may be many things, but with a doctor associated with my name, I’m hardly uneducated” and he had blocked me.

Now, I had not contacted him--he went out of his way to insult me for no reason, except posting a personal ad.

I know I’m sposed to let this roll off me, and I always do in time, but the way some men treat women just really starts to wear me down. I know my profile is self-absorbed--it is my profile. And I know he’s wrong about me being uneducated. Anyone that can put "doctor" in any combination of their name just isn't. So the fat comment starts to weigh me down. It has been several years since someone called me fat, since I lost weight. And I know how subjective that comment is. And intellectually, I know how foolish all this is, but emotionally it hurts.

I don’t understand the society that says it is OK for men to treat women this way. But given the treatment that Hillary Clinton has received, it isn’t all that surprising. But I feel like in the last 6 months, I’ve lost some of my sense of humor and bounciness when it comes to dealing with sexism. I’ve been shocked at the way she has been treated, even though I didn’t support her (and part of me wished I could have supported her--but the media was just too mean for her to win). And that treatment, the liberal men on my liberal mailing list who sent me photos of her photoshopped to look old, or said “I don’t dislike her because she’s a woman; I dislike her because she’s a bitch” without realizing that the term works to keep all women in their place.

The jerk who e-mail me--I take full responsibility for letting it bother me, but that is in a context of societal rules and expectations that tell me what is and what is not valued in a woman. And there are times in my life when I’ve said “I don’t need any of that--I will focus on my career. That’s enough for me.” And there are times when I’ve acknowledged that I do want a partner. It is lonely. And my career has been less important to me. But I’ve never felt like I have been defined by societal expectations of women. Lately, though, it feels more difficult to break out of that box.