Blue

I broke up with David this morning. Via e-mail. But he didn't call last night, when he said he would, and I knew he was going into jail today and would be gone for 90 days. He didn't read the e-mail, but it basically said that if he got in touch with me, I would come visit, and be there for him. But he was doing triage, and I wasn't a priority (and didn't think I should be), but I couldn't not see other people for 3 months, but I hoped we could get back together when he gets out.

And then I reactivated my on-line profiles, went to the gym, and cried my little eyes out in the locker-room.

So there it is. I loved him. And maybe I will in the future. But I couldn't just wait for 3 months, without at least talking about it, and being told when I could visit and all that stuff. I would rather be honest and open with him, than go behind his back. But I really hate this situation that he put me in!!

But I notice that the on-line dating world makes me a little frantic and less grounded. Even having profiles back up for a few hours changes my energy. I want to prove myself. To be chosen.