Just Words?

A debate between Obama and Hillary has centered on language. How important is language? Can it shape reality? Can we justify ourselves only with language? How important are deeds? I find different parts of me drawn to each side of the argument. (Of course, another side would just like to follow John McCain's lead and jump in bed with a cute young lobbyist --Joke--it was a joke--I don't think he slept with her--just traded influence for flirtation).

Part of me completely identifies with Hillary. I often don't believe, in my bones, that I'm lovable the way I am. I truly believe I need to prove myself, work hard, be smart and accomplish things. And, to a certain extent, that works really well. I'm quite thoughtful, taking wonderful care of the people I love. But there are times it isn't reciprocated, in part because I often give more than I should, and I can grow resentful. But I totally understand the woman saying "look--I've done everything you could have asked of me. Isn't that enough?"

A great part of me wants to just be loved for who I am, not want I do. But I don't know how that world works. I'm used to earning recognition, not having it handed to me.

Meanwhile, words. Words are SO important to me. This blog is part of that. If I can just figure out what I'm feeling, with words of course, then I'll be able to control it better, or create better conditions for it.

And, if I can just correctly describe myself, then, maybe, the pieces will fall into place. Either some man will see his counterpart in me, or he'll have the keys to actually claim me. Most men can't claim me--Public Woman is just too strong for most men to actually trust that private girl is there too. This week I carefully recrafted my personal, with help from a lovely gentleman on the other coast. Words do bring me hope.