I Will Survive!

So I didn’t sleep with my ex tonight, but I really think it is only because Gloria Gaynor came in at the right moment. Before the show, he took me to a restaurant that I liked (and asked me if I’d like it), and he picked out a play that he thought I would enjoy (which I did) and actively enjoyed it as well. During the show and he had his arm around me, which is pretty typical for our outings. But then he started running his hand through my hair and along my cheek. And that, for me, has always reeled me in.

After the show, we went to a diner and we played handsies (you know that sort of flirting with hands that happens) and then he took my hand and we flirted and shared a piece of carrot cake. But several times I dropped hints that I wasn’t going to get involved with him again. And I told him that I wanted someone to love me as much as I had loved him and to cherish me and I was only ½ of what he was looking for. When he said he wanted to get married in the next few years, I said he should marry a Gemini (he just needed to find the right set of twins for him) but he asked if I was a Gemini. I said “Scorpio” and he replied that he would marry a Scorpio. He asked me to go home with him and I said ‘no.’ Although, if it had been a Friday night, I might have been more hesitant. He sized it up pretty accurately: “you want to, but you are scared that nothing will be different this time.” And he continued: “You’re the only person I really care about. And I could have brought out the other side in you. I can’t promise things will be different. But we can try.”

And then: Gloria Gaynor came on the radio of the diner:

It kind of wrecked the flirtation.

But as we left, my ex kissed me goodnight, and I kissed him back. For the first time since he moved out, I kissed him back. And he’s a good kisser. He told me I was coming home with him, and I said “no” and laughed when he grabbed my bag, but something shifted just a little bit.

I don’t know if it means anything. I think I have the strength to remember that we weren’t healthy together. But he has made an awful lot of changes to try and accommodate what I want and show me he could be different. I doubt it would be different enough, but I think he would try, at least for a little bit. Not long enough though. That’s what I have to remember.