One foot in front of the other

I don't have much to say, but my horoscope said I should update my blog.

I think I'm making changes for the better. But I feel like I'm trudging through mud.

And my birthday is this week, and I have no one to spend it with. Not even friends--they are all out of town. My only plan for my birthday is to have a cupcake. And I've been looking forward to that cupcake for weeks now. That feels rather pathetic. And I'm definitely feeling the social assumptions that come with age. I don't think I look my age. (I'm pretty sure I don't--I got carded the last time I went to a bar. I'm sure I don't look under 21, but early 30s seems reasonable. But I do have wrinkles when I smile. They go away when I'm not smiling, but definitely have them under my eyes whenever I'm smiling even a little bit.)

I don't feel anywhere near 40. But then, what, exactly does '40' feel like? I still can't quite believe I'm nearing that number, though. I'm beginning to understand my friends that lie about their ages.

But I do think some things are shifting for me right now.

Work is difficult, and part of the reason it is difficult is that my boss is being a jerk and I'm not standing up to him. A client filed a complaint that I started a meeting on-time (instead of having the entire meeting of 15 people wait until she arrived) and my boss took it seriously! Seriously!

I don't stand up for myself. And I'm recognizing that as a pattern. I feel like my job would be in jeopardy if I did in this instance. But the flip-side is that my job is in jeopardy if I don't, because I have a history of getting pissed off (over a several-year period), not doing anything and quitting. I still haven't said anything to my boss, and I don't think I can go over his head. But at least I'm recognizing this patter of mine.

I also have several men who seem to be interested in me. None of whom I'm particularly smitten with. One man is a vegan studying to become a nutritionist and the other is a junk food junkie. The former I went out with a couple of times a year ago, and then I broke up with him and he asked me for another chance. It is nice to be pursued. But I don't know that that is enough. But it is nice to feel like I'm attractive.