2015 and Beyond

So I've basically ended things with the last guy.  I told him when he is in my town, I'm happy to get coffee, but I realized he was putting most of the work on me and he was also really taking me for granted.  It is weird because he would literally text me 500 times in a day (I would text him back, but I use google voice, so I can text from my computer--I would never send 500 texts from my phone in a day!) but it isn't necessarily because he adored me--it is because he adores his phone.  He couldn't put the damn thing away when we were together.  And I want someone who can.  (There were other things too, but this is a big one.)

And yet: I have not put my profile back up.  And I'm not sure if I should.  Do I want to ride this roller-coaster again?  Or do I want to try to get pregnant on my own in 2015.  I don't think I'm capable of dating and dealing with the fertility clinic.  When I meet someone I like, I want to have everything with that person.  Martin would have been worth waiting a year or two for.  But that is over.  And frankly, I'm not sure I'm strong enough to ride that roller-coaster yet again, with someone else.  I really do want to have a kid.  And if I go that way, in, say, 4 years, I could probably start dating again.  

The whole thing is terrifying.  

I'm so sad Stephen Colbert is killing off his character tonight.  And I'm sure he's doing it because he would be tempted to revisit his character, and this way he can't.  I'm not sure I can actually watch it.  But part of me thinks I should delete, instead of just hiding, my CollarMe profile.  Make a break and move on to the next chapter of my life.

I won't do it quite yet. FOr all I know, I'll unhide it in a couple of weeks.  But I'm thinking about it.