Emotional Creatures

I read this really interesting article, and here's the dirty truth: I don't always trust the feelings of women as much as I do the feelings of men.  And, without a doubt, if a man is upset at me, I will get a bit frantic, trying to make it right.  Right now, a woman is having, what I consider to be a temper tantrum at me, and I'm annoyed at her behaviour (don't beg to stay with me then slam a door at 2 in the morning!), but it doesn't impact my equilibrium.

If a guy behaved this way, well honestly, if  a guy behaved this way, I'd be genuinely scared.  The truth is, we don't let men have full range of anger the way we permit women  We don't take women hitting men seriously as a problem and we accept a little irrational anger from women because we view them as moody and emotional, but also impotent.

But tone that anger one level down, if a man I had any respect for at all (and honestly, I've lost respect for this woman, and I lost it quicker than I would have if a man did the same thing, because I don't see my behaviour, or even more, who-I-am-as-a-human-being, as being flawed in this situation), it would make me frantic to make it right.  And even that phrase "make it right" implies I've done something wrong that can be set right.  

When women criticize me, if if I already respected them, it can annoy me, but I lose respect for the woman criticizing me fairly quickly. (I try to look at the behaviour and see if I have done things that need to be changed, but I'm quick to say "why didn't you just ask me to ___________.") When a man I respect (and they are few and far between) criticizes me, I lose respect for myself.  (And yes, I over-react to criticism from anyone I respect.)

So there it is.  Gender norms aren't just things men do to women.  They are part of a system that have impacted us always.  My mom nurtured me; my dad criticized me.  (And this was more extreme in my life than in many others.)  And I perpetuate the system.  But frankly, I think I'm pretty good at solving problems with women.  I want to get more like an observer watching with interest, but not passion, with others.