Maxearnest thought I should clarify my last post.
I am really quite eager to please him. I try to anticipate things that will please him and embrace what he wants, even when it isn't something that I would necessarily pick for myself. He wanted me to state that I am such a good, eager slave girl. He really, really appreciates my attitude, and it is my eagerness 99% of the time that makes the 1% OK.
Yesterday, he had me do several things to myself that hurt. Some of them hurt quite a bit. At one point it was hard enough to obey that I said "OK, I can do this. 1. 2. 3." And I did it on 3. But it was hard! He thought I was probably doing things a little bit harder than he would. He never felt like I was only going through the motions or trying to avoid pleasing him.
What I pulled away on was this: I had a collar around my neck and it wasn't as loose as either of us thought. When I was standing or sitting straight up, I could breathe fine. But when I was bending over, it really constricted my air flow. Because I don't have a wireless headset, he couldn't hear me breathing hard. So he really had no way of noticing I was having trouble breathing. This was also at a moment when Skype was not so great, so I was quite pixalated. So it isn't like I just, randomly, say "oh, I'll panic if I do that." He knows that constricting my breathing when he isn't there freaks me out, and we both agree that that is just a little too dangerous to fool around with. And even though I've never passed out, it is enough of a danger that we just aren't doing that on Skype. So when I couldn't breathe well, I stopped what was going on and told him. I had to break position to come over so he could hear me well.
But overall, our deal looks like this.
He reads me so well that I really can let him take my doubts and worries. It is a very new feeling for me. A gift. He truly does make me happy!
Yesterday, he had me do several things to myself that hurt. Some of them hurt quite a bit. At one point it was hard enough to obey that I said "OK, I can do this. 1. 2. 3." And I did it on 3. But it was hard! He thought I was probably doing things a little bit harder than he would. He never felt like I was only going through the motions or trying to avoid pleasing him.
What I pulled away on was this: I had a collar around my neck and it wasn't as loose as either of us thought. When I was standing or sitting straight up, I could breathe fine. But when I was bending over, it really constricted my air flow. Because I don't have a wireless headset, he couldn't hear me breathing hard. So he really had no way of noticing I was having trouble breathing. This was also at a moment when Skype was not so great, so I was quite pixalated. So it isn't like I just, randomly, say "oh, I'll panic if I do that." He knows that constricting my breathing when he isn't there freaks me out, and we both agree that that is just a little too dangerous to fool around with. And even though I've never passed out, it is enough of a danger that we just aren't doing that on Skype. So when I couldn't breathe well, I stopped what was going on and told him. I had to break position to come over so he could hear me well.
But overall, our deal looks like this.
He reads me so well that I really can let him take my doubts and worries. It is a very new feeling for me. A gift. He truly does make me happy!
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