But we did talk on the phone for 6 hours the other night! And he is very clear that he wants much more of a D/s focus that isn't just about sex. Normally, this would freak me out. But it isn't.
I think the big thing is that he is wise and we have values that seem quite similarly aligned. The ex wanted this, but he would have made me get stoned, or play Texas Hold-em to please him. There wouldn't have been anything about who I was in that.
Joshua has been asking what my projects are and what I want to do on them, and then holding me to that. And I am SO much more focused. It is kind of amazing. I'm about a week ahead of where I would thought I'd be (this is a really hectic time of year with several work project that always finish between Hanukkah and Christmas). I'm actually focusing and finishing. I haven't worked like this since Sept 11.
10 years ago, I really wanted this. Then I thought I'd never find it and besides, I should grow up and have my own, self-imposed discipline. And to a certain extent, I have. But this is so much easier. It feels like Mary Poppins spoon full of sugar. It makes it fun to get my work done. Like something just clicked and said "come home."
I really hope this works! I really like this man!
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