I'm waiting by the phone....

Not really. That would imply that the phone wasn't mobile. But I really wanted Joshua to call last night or the night before and he didn't. And part of me is like: "well, duh, Connie. He's with his family." But he managed to call me on Christmas evening. But he's Jewish, so that doesn't really mean anything to him, although it means something to me. The other side of me is like: "Well duh, Connie. He's just not that into you." And, of course, only time will tell.

There's this video game called "The Sims." And in it, you make friends, but each day you don't see someone, you lose 2 of your 'friend' points. I think that is a very female-centered view of how relationships work. I totally feel that--when I don't have contact with someone, I start to lose my connection with that person. But my male friends don't seem to operate that way. I think for men, absence is more likely to make the heart grow fonder. Until it doesn't.

I know the conceit with Joshua is that it is about what pleases him. I also know that Joshua knows that if the overall relationship doesn't work for me, it won't work. And he seems very aware of what works, so I don't think it was just a sense of not thinking. I really think either something was up with his family, or he isn't into me any more.

I texted Joshua yesterday to basically say: "hi--love to chat if you have time" and he didn't reply. (But we are in different time zones, and it is entirely possible he was already asleep.) And the gal who knows all 'the rules' (not the D/s rules--the make-a-guy-want-you rules) knows that is a major mistake. But I also know that if I can't get what I want from a relationship, I'm going to leave. I wanted to talk to Joshua before I left for Europe. It's fine it didn't happen. But I am disappointed. And feeling a little needy and a little like a 1950s gal in the age before answering machines.