Black Friday

I couldn't bring myself to go shopping today.  Mostly because I hate it and add in that many crowds and I hate it even more   But I had friends going and it made me think about the transactional nature of Christmas and presents.

Nate keeps wanting to take me shopping; he wants to buy me shoes.  I keep saying "I have enough shoes; but if there is something you fantasize about me wearing, I'll wear whatever you like."  And he isn't taking me up on it as something for him.  He keeps saying "women love shoes; let me buy you a pair you'll like."  I've told him my feet are an odd size, so I pretty much only buy my shoes off the internet.  I've told him I have more shoes than I'll wear in the next decade.  I've told him I don't need him to buy me things.  But it is odd to me.

The irony, of course, is that there is a pair of shoes I really, really want.  And, of course, I want the pedals and cleats that match them.  I doubt, however, that he would include biking cleats in his desire to buy me a pair of shoes.

He keeps wanting to buy me something that women supposedly want, rather than what I want, which is to talk about introspective stuff. To read Joan Didion's new book and talk about it.  To fly to Massachusetts and volunteer for Elisabeth Warren.  To go see The Artist and be enraptured (I hope--I haven't seen it yet).  To talk about things besides sex and small talk.

It's funny.  I'm giving Nate a Christmas gift that is very similar to the one that I gave Bobby for his birthday (although even better, because I'm giving his daughter a matching one from 'Santa').  I tend to give pretty similar gifts: something I make myself, monogrammed.

Bobby seemed to really appreciate the one I gave him.  He seemed to understand why it was a lovely gift.  He thought I was talented.

I'm kind of scared Nate won't understand the gift well enough; I think he would be just as happy with monogrammed cuff links.  And then I wonder if I should give him something else, so I'm not comparing him to Bobby.

I don't think I could love someone whom I only give store bought gifts to.  Some store-bought gifts are fine; I always buy my mom Aveda hand lotion because she loves it and while she could afford to buy it, she never would.  I love Crabtree and Evelyn's "Evelyn Rose" bubble bath and I only use maybe 2 bottles a year because it is expensive; my dad gave me a bottle once and that was so thoughtful. So many store-bought gifts are fine.  They just need to be thoughtful and combined with home-made things.

I have these cousins I kind of despise and when I have to give them a gift, it comes from Tiffany's.  I must be the only person in the world that thinks that a Tiffany's present is a huge put-down.  But to me, it is a way of saying: "you are shallow and easily bought.  The name on the box is really all that matters to you.  Here is our commercial transaction."  They are very, very, very rich; perhaps they look down on me for shopping at such a low-class store, but I've noticed they always do what I want when I give them a Tiffany's gift.  When our grandfather was sick in the hospital and they didn't visit, I sent them a Tiffany's gift from him and they were visiting the next week.  My father was shocked I bothered to send them an expensive gift from Grandpa; and even more chocked they visited.  They are easily bought. And I think it meant something to him that they visited.  It was worth $500 to me for him to see all his grand-kids one last time before he died.  Tiffany's is what you buy for people who won't visit their dying grandfather unless you bribe them.

I'm sure Nate will appreciate my non-Tiffany's gift.  I hope so!  But I feel like it will be a generic appreciation of a nice gift. I might as well go to Tiffany's.  I don't think he's appreciate one or the other any more or less.