That kind of girl...

In some ways I have allowed that kind of girl to define me.  As in NOT that kind of girl.  For example, not the kind of girl that would kneel in the bathroom of a fancy restaurant and give the guy she was there with a blowjob.  Definitely not that kind of girl.

Except....

So things have progressed with Nate more, and in different ways, than I would have predicted.  And now you all know what kind of girl I am.

I'm not sure what that means.  Nate has said on multiple occasions that he adores me.  (And he says how beautiful I am all the time.)  And if he actually continues to cherish me, than I'm happy to be a 'partner in crime.'    I have this idea that men don't cherish women that they do that kind of thing with at least not women that do that that quickly(and not that anyone is counting, except of course me, this was our 3rd date).

I do have to say that Nate and I flirt and caress and his hands go up my skirt and I pull them down and then he orders me to do something and I usually do.  But, I don't yet know what all else he and I have in common.  I feel like his values are good.  His politics are good.  He is clearly smart.  But we don't really seem to get into all of that.  I mean we do some.  I know about the travails of his daughter and schools and what not.  And it seems like his daughter and his work are the majority of his life right now.

I realized after my post this morning, that moment in Avatar where the characters say "I see you," that was a somewhat cheesy rendition of something that is very important to me.  That sense of being seen for who I am.

Bobby read my profile on CM and said it was the best profile he'd ever read.  Maybe he says that to all the girls, but I doubt it.  Bobby got how much more personal my profile is than a picture of my tits ever would be.  I actually have a picture of me looking really very cute in my little sexy-German-waitress Halloween costume, but I didn't put it up because I feel like if I did, no one would see me for me.  As Caroline would say "that sorrow deep inside you is inside me too."

I guess I'm willing to be the kind of girl that blows her boyfriend in the bathroom of a fancy restaurant.  But only if he sees all the parts of her.  I want more emotional intimacy to go with the physical kind.

Now the other issue is why the hell was I thinking "I'm not that kind of girl" while I was being that kind of girl?  I would like to think that I don't buy into the negative stereotypes about women who own their own pleasure, but clearly, if that is what is going through my head, I have some of those stereotypes.  I don't think I judge other women that way (although I will confess I have a friend who bragged that he had hit the 10,000 hook-ups number and I had a really hard time with that--I'd never sleep with him (as he is gay), but it did kind of make me do a double-take), but I do have this rather inner-puritan, along with my inner-submissive.