Comedy of Errors

Dreadful date with the guy that demanded so very much.  I am annoyed at him--he asked me to wait outside, it is fricking freezing and he was over half an hour late.  I actually thought I was being stood up, and had paid to leave the parking garage when I got his text that he was coming.  (I had sent 4 gracious texts and called before I left.)  He was then a little annoyed that I hadn't stayed.  In the freezing for over half an hour.  And by the time we met up, any chance of chemistry was long gone.  

But whatever--that is small change in this world--a tiny inconvenience.  But I am left feeling out of sorts, needy, insecure and angry.  Not a lovely combination. I gave something I should not have given.  And I knew it at the time.  

There is that little voice that says "this isn't wise."  And sometimes that voice is right, and sometimes it isn't.  If I always followed that voice, I'd probably never leave my house.  But that voice was screaming loud and clearly. 

I look at what happened with this guy, and it started with very reasonable requests.  But each reasonable thing that I acceded to made me more likely to say "yes Sir" to the next. After all, I'd already done these things, what is one more? And all of sudden, he's asking me not to play with myself.  I told him I thought that was a bad idea, but he asked me to do it to please him.  And I did.

I'm not going to remember this twit in a week.  (I actually will put a note on his CM profile, next time he is online, to make sure that if he contacts me in 6 months, I remember to pass--I'm currently talking with a guy that I had made a note in my phone I didn't want to talk to again, because I forgot to put a note on CM.  Although the weird thing is, this other guy creaped me out but he never called me after I asked him not to and I think he's the only person I put a note on my phone.  He e-mailed very respectfully to see if I'd be willing to talk with him, so I think maybe I misjudged.  But I'm being wary none-the-less.)  But even though I'm not going to remember this twit, I need to learn from this.  I can't extend myself that way too often.  I see how quickly it could make me cynical, or it could make me go too far with the next guy, because it creates a void and if you don't avoid a void, it must be voided, usually in unhealthy ways. I have really good boundaries for information that keeps me physically safe.  (The guy today pushed REALLY hard about where I worked, and I refused to tell him and that was easy for me.  In part, because the truth is, I wear the ring that John had for a year.  I took it off when I was dating MaxEarnest.  But that is it.  I wear that ring and I have sort of promised myself that I will wear it until I'm dating someone that John would think is good enough for me.   And until that ring comes off, I know I need to keep myself safe.)

I'm glad I ignored that voice with the 26-year-old.  I'm annoyed I ignored it this week.  How to be wise and also take risks?  And how to deal with stupid things like today and not be cynical?