I have had a fairly clear rule: any man I might meet in real life does not get my blog information. And I have pretty much stuck to it. Bobby and John have been the main exceptions, but it has been after we became intertwined, and one other man--I forget the name I gave him here, it might have been Stephen, but I'm not sure.
But there is a gentlemen; he told me to call him Maxernest on the blog. Which means he know about my blog. He lives in Europe. We e-mailed. I gave him my blog. He read it vociferously. 248 hits from his country in the last month. We e-mailed more and more, and I began to wish that geography weren't such an intractable mistress. We e-mailed some more. I sort of assumed it was theoretical; the Atlantic is smaller than the Pacific, but.... But Maxernest wants to come visit. He has geographical mobility, and even though to a Europhile like myself, he seems to have a perfect life, it seems like that he would consider actually moving to the U.S., if we liked each other as much in person as we do on e-mail.
I'm not sure if I'm a little numb from shock or a little hesitant, because he reads the blog. I can't imagine giving up my life in "Seattle" for another country. In part because I have a a good job, with a defined benefit pension. If something went wrong after a few years, I couldn't get a job like this again. But also, I hate feeling like an outsider. I would make a lousy expat because that sense of not fitting in is so very strong for me, and I know if I moved to a country where I didn't speak the language, or didn't speak it well, I would feel like an outsider. My grandfather was born less than 100 km from where he lives now, but when I visited (my grandfather's birthplace--I've never met Maxernest), I felt so lonely there. I knew I was a 2nd generation American, and didn't belong in Europe any more. Even though I still sort of fetishize Europe.
I couldn't imagine "Just Me" being enough to make up for someone else feeling like an outsider.
I suggested we move to Skyping. I want to get to know him better in voice, rather than e-mail. I hope I like his accent and he likes mine. I have a great voice, for an American. But an American, with a slight California twang is what I am. But I do like him. Dotty is going to Belgium for another friend's wedding. She met him last year, and it has been a fairy tale. I was happy for Dotty's friend, but wishing for a fairy tale of my own.
I feel slightly removed from the situation, like I'm watching someone else's drama.
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