I gained 3 pounds over Christmas. I was doing so well for the first 4 days and then my travel scale died. (I think it is just the battery, but it is one of those button batteries, and I didn't get another one.)
I gained 3 pounds last Christmas too. That was why I bought the travel scale. I never got those 3 pounds off last year, so I want to love all 6 of those pounds, please. (The funny thing is that everyone thinks I've lost weight this year. It may be that I'm a little leaner and my posture is a little better with all the pilates, but it is very odd because I have had multiple people arguing with me.)
In addition to my spinning classes, I've signed up for a running class and a weekly bootcamp class. I will also be taking a variety of other classes.
But I'm also coming to a very different place in my sense of self. While I want to lose those 6 pounds, I think, maybe, that's it. Ideally, I'd like to lose 8 pounds (including the 6) because that would make it an even 60, but who am I kidding? If I lose those 8, I'll want to lose another 10, and another 10.
This article really hit me hard. I guess I can't really say I've maintained my weight loss, because I'm 6 pounds from my thinnest, but that still means I've lost and maintained 52 pounds. Which is something I really don't give myself credit for.
I try to imagine what my life would be like if I actually accepted my weight as it is. I would stop buying all these clothes that almost fit (and they fit everywhere, but my bust, which is not a place I'm carrying a lot of extra weight). Would I actually be able to be comfortable in my own skin? Can I make a goal of losing those 6 pounds, but not trying for more, and also really being comfortable in my own skin?
If I didn't want a partner, I'd be happy the way I am. Nate thinks I'm gorgeous, which is lovely. I'm still comfortable wanting to lose those 6 pounds, but maybe that's it. Maybe my real goal for this year is to be physically active in ways that are joyous and enjoy myself the way I am. And world peace and an end to climate change....
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4 comments:
Mindfucking weight.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, Connie!
A well known German kitchen artist and spice guru (Alfons Schuhbeck, lately fallen from my grace by whoring this way) used to say: You gain weight between New Year's Day and Christmas and not between Christmas and New Year's Day. And this is where he was right.
I had your blog post for breakfast along with pancakes, home made plum marmalade (vanilla spiced, no SM here) and a big Caffè Latte. And I was really having fun.
I used a lot of butter to prepare the pancakes, but the butter did not catch me.
If you really have to think of 'The Fat Trap', you'd better think of sticking and then being tied to this nice chair.
That's truly pure horror, but better than thinking of the original Fat Trap.
If you need a real life punishment for your bad thoughts: I'll offer a Fat Chair session to you. This is a promise.
So, please give world peace a chance. And Nate a chance to worship all of your pounds individually. This might be a nicer form of therapy.
R.I.P. little travel scale
Schroedinger
PS
Better buy new batteries for your vibrator.
And much better: Raise your ideal for having exhausting sex from currently 9 times a week to the next level. If realized, this will shift your state of an equal energy balance to a lower weight. Trust me as a physicist.
Thank you Shroedinger. I appreciate your insight and humor. I'd love to find someone to have fabulous sex with 9 times a week. I won't be too greedy, but if that comes my way, I certainly wouldn't mind more.
One thing about me--I would never admit to angst about my weight in public. To some extent, I feel like that makes me a 'bad feminist.' This is where I air all my angst about everything, honestly.
I'm still getting my head around where I want to be with weight in my life, but having a travel scale is actually a good thing for me.
Now you've poisoned my mind, Connie.
If I imagine you traveling around the world, I see your backpack being X-rayed and a sweet little travel scale is showing up. Or even worse: In my mind I see you being handcuffed to a small translucent suitcase containing the travel scale.
Well, if I were backpacking around the world, I wouldn't take it. I went to Europe for 2 weeks and just had a daypack, and I didn't take it. (And, for some reason, I rarely gain weight when I travel to foreign countries; but in the U.S. when I'm away from home, it is super-easy to gain weight.)
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