All by myself

Maxearnest finally got a web cam, so we are now skyping with both of us seeing each other, which is really nice.

I really wish, however, that I had one good female friend who I could talk about kink with.  Some of my gay male friends know some of the details of my life, but more in the general than the specific.  But my female friends, well Dotty knows I'm kinky (and she knows that Maxearnest reads my blog--I sort of led her to believe that was how we met), and another friend knows I'm "not vanilla."  But the other friend thinks "not vanilla" means anything other than missionary position.  I haven't had the heart to tell her that I consider her "not vanilla" to be pure Madagascar vanilla bean.

The funny thing is, I think in another life, Dotty would be kinky, but sex just isn't very important to Dotty.  Her last boyfriend was clearly much more vanilla than Dotty liked, and that was clearly not an issue for her.  They didn't get married for other reasons, but it was clear that Dotty would be perfectly happy with boring sex once a week.  I sometimes wonder if she found a kinky guy (purely by accident, because she'd never look for one) if she would be submissive and far more into sex than she is now.   But that is totally conjecture, because we just don't talk about it.

Part of that is because I don't talk about it.  I don't mind talking with my gay male friends whom I have known have been (or are) promiscuous.  (My gay male friends who have not been open about promiscuity with me, don't know.)  My friend that knows the most worked as a sex worker for a while, so I just don't feel any judgement from him.  (Interestingly, my friend who is the most promiscuous of all my friends was quite judgmental when I sort of hinted at it.  He said it was 'gross.'  Actually we sort of stopped being friends after that point.)

But I wish I had a girlfriend I could really, truly talk about this stuff with.  The kink world does operate on different rules, but sometimes I wonder if I'm being too risky.  I feel really good about Maxearnest.  But I'd still like someone to bounce my world off of.