Daddy's Girl. Part 2

My dad and I had a couple of fairly intense conversations recently.  It can be frustrating because he forgets things that are important to me.  Just like John did.  (Like John, my dad has also had a stroke, but at least we know it and when he forgets something, we know what happened.)  But my dad had forgotten that I had my arm broken by bullies in the 3rd grade.  I asked him why he never did anything to try and protect me, and he didn’t remember it at all.  My mom does remember, but it is frustrating that he doesn't.

He said, and I find this a little creepy, and I’m a little wigged out to even blog about it.  

In the fifth grade, we stayed at a beach cottage for a week, and the room I had had a box of Penthouse magazines.  I read the letters that week.  Even then, pictures were boring but the letters were really interesting.  I don't think I would have said "hot" but I started to get a sense of how adults saw sex.  (Yes, I know this isn't how adults saw sex, it was how Penthouse framed sex for men, but I didn't know that in the 5th grade.)  By the end of the week, I knew what I was interested in, and it was the kinkier letters.  I still recall one of those letters.

The following year, I started being grounded instead of spanked.  My dad just told me that he stopped spanking me because it felt like there was S&M undertones developing.  Creepy!!!!   I'm glad he stopped, but part of me thinks I'd rather not know I was behaving that way in the 6th grade with my father.  That is just weird.  And it makes me wonder if therapy isn't a better answer than kink.  Ah, well...