The Precipice

That moment when Wile E Coyote runs off the edge of the cliff, and there is a split second before he starts to fall.  I feel like I'm in that moment.

My best friend just got a job offer for rural Alaska.  I am devastated.  She doesn't know if she should take it or not. I'm urging her to take it because I think it would be really good for her (and it is 'only' 2 years).  But on the inside, I'm staring into an abyss.  When we're done with breakfast I get in my car, wait till she's gone, and I start to cry.  Hysterically.  I feel like my life is falling apart. This is how I behaved in high school.  So I find a bathroom, wash my face and try to fake it for the rest of the day.

I can't imagine how to have the level of joy and focus and playfulness and grounding if she leaves.  We'll have Sykpe.  She isn't taking the job if she can't have internet.  But I can't imagine.  I knew how important she was to my life, but I don't know that I felt it.  She is such a ballast.  Already, I can feel my life shrinking.