Revolving Doors

I go out with a lot of men and most men I forget about a week after I've seen if either they don't call or I don't return their call.  (We can look at the whole issue of why I assume men should call, but it just seems to me it works better when guys call me than when I call guys.)

So after I moved back to the area in 2005 I had coffee with a guy--let's call him Tom.  I assume he didn't call me back because at that point I pretty much went out with anyone who wanted to go out with me.  We went to a cute little coffee shop with a cute little garden in the back which closed in 2007.

I started e-mailing this guy on CM about a year ago and we e-mail a couple of times a week.  Earlier this week he told me he was the guy that I had coffee with in 2005 or 2006.  I have no memory of him, only the coffee shop.  Even after he sent me photos, I have no memory of him.

I find it a little odd that we have been corresponding for a year and he never alluded to this. He initiates all e-mails.  He is kind and respectful and seems interested in small talk, but I came to the conclusion about 6 months ago that he didn't want so meet, so I stopped having longer e-mails.

There was another guy I went out with this year who didn't allow me to get a word in edgewise and when I said I didn't think we should get together again, he dropped that we had gone out before and I had no memory of it either.''

So, it seems that men aren't the only one that see the other side in interchangeable.   But it is a little disturbing that I have absolutely no memory of our getting together.  (I even had to look on a map to see where the coffee shop was, and then when I found photos on yelp I was like "oh, I remember that place.")

So perhaps my view that women are more interchangeable in a patriarchy isn't a fair statement.  Maybe I wasn't into either of these men, so I forgot them and Bobby just wasn't that into me.  That's OK.  I'm (slowly) moving on.  (Alas, the vanilla guy was totally flaky.  We were supposed to get together Tuesday and I had a meeting that got cancelled, so I said at 10 am I could do any time after 3, what time?  And he didn't reply.  So at 2 I said "I'm going to yoga, I can meet any time after 6" and he was like "sounds like you're busy, let's get together after your trip" and I was like "I have free time tonight--but I usually schedule my time tightly" and he said "can I call you" and I said "Sure" and he didn't.  I could understand him not wanting to call after he met me, but I find the 'you have to keep your entire day free for an hour of coffee' attitude off-putting.)