Straight Pride

I've come to believe that Halloween is really just "Straight Pride Weekend."  All the straight people get dressed up in slutty outfits and parade their sexuality, just like the gay people do during "Gay Pride" day/week/month.

So I went to a 'play party' at a club as a sexy barmaid. An S&M club!

The women were all variations on a theme.  Most of us had a full skirt, mid-thigh length.  Most of us had crinolines, no doubt purchased separately. Most of us had stockings with bows or fishnets.  My heels were higher than most at 4", but variations.  Most of us had low-cut neckline.  Most of us had accessories defining what we 'were.'  Most of us bought our costumes at stores like Party City for somewhere above $30 and below $70.  My variation was the corset lacing below my breasts and the white dirndl look.  Theme and variation.

For much of the evening I sat in the corner, watching.  Observing.  Several guys started a conversation with me, and it felt so silly.  I wanted so much more than they were offering.  (Interestingly, "The Republican" that I blogged about AGES ago came back.  For those of you (probably all) who don't remember, he was someone that got under my skin quite a bit, then wanted things to progress much more quickly than I wanted to to a sexual level.  But he and I had clicked on an intellectual level that stuck with me.  Well, he had reappeared a couple of times, and had pushed towards us getting sexual immediately, and I just say "you have to seduce me first."  Well, he seems to have taken that to heart.  I have no idea if we'll make it work, but I find it very affirming that he would finally decide that I'm worth seducing.)

I wanted more on a relationship level, but also on an intellectual level and wisdom and some sort of grounding.

I did, however, look adorable and when the rather nice lady told me I should enter the costume contest, I said something about not winning and she said "you need more self esteem" and I said "those two over there"(two gay men with AMAZING costumes) "are going to win."  She said "It's not about winning.  It's about twirling around on-stage so all the men can see how cute you are."  So I entered!

I still felt self conscious being in the contest because I used to make amazing costumes.  My best costume was the year I went at a peacock with about 50 (literally) peacock feathers I sewed to my outfit.  But the lady who told me to enter emceed and commented on how cute I was and told them to give me an extra round of applause for being so pretty and people did!  (And it was rather enthusiastic applause.)

I think it was actually really good for me.  I think right now I know I look cute intellectually, but I'm working on getting it at a cellular level.  And this was clearly really good on that level.  Just the fact that the women who seemed like a co-owner wanted me on the stage because she saw me as an asset to attract guys said a lot.  (I want to explore more what it means to be a feminist and also allow myself to be objectified in certain situations, but not at 3:30 in the morning.)

I must say that I mostly stuck to the bar and avoided the 'scenes' going on.  It was a little more hard core than I am.  Part of me wished I had someone I loved to do things like that, but I can't just give my body without my heart.  They are so attached.

However, I met a guy (who is married, and we weren't flirting--his wife was there, and she seems nice) with whom I had some pretty darn amazing conversation.  We were in overlapping fields a couple of towns over from each other, so we talked about work.  We talked about kink.  We talked about politics and Republicans and what kink means.  We talked for about 2 hours.  And it was a really fun, expansive conversation.  I think he could pick up that I don't 'play' and when I apologized for taking so much of his time when he was probably looking for someone to play with, he said it was the best night he'd had at a play party in years.  Spanking was fun, but this was great.  That felt really nice.  (He also was pretty surprised when my age come up in passing--he was like "you don't look 40.  And you don't act 40.  I mean you're smart enough to be 40, but you're so active and young!"  I wonder if he has any friends!