Arriving

It's been a long, odd day. I must say, the youth hostel here is quite nice (and I can't say anything else about Iceland, aside from the ride from the airport--this seems to be far more about each other than Iceland).  

Overall, I feel like this could work, but I'm not entirely sure.  My body is attracted to his body and I believe he is attracted to mine, but somehow, between the jet lag, the little sleep on the plane, the tail end of a cold and the crazy newness of the situation, I feel a little discombobulated.  I'm not feeling like "oh, yes!" I'm feeling "is this right?"  I really don't know yet.  

But I trust him and I'm attracted to him.  I think he is attracted to me.  He seems pleased with me. 

He knows I'm blogging--I offered to send everything to him first (I even offered to give him my password and let him post whatever I've drafted), but he said just send it to him when I post--he trusts me.  He trust me; I have never really thought about being trusted, because I've always been so scared about whether I could trust.  I've had so many doubts.  I was scared he wouldn't meet me at the airport because he'd be disappointed (although I did trust him to do so--that was just my insecurity).  But he trusts me and I trust him.  He just wants to know what I've written.  I really like that he trusts me and wants to give me space to continue to be my own person. 

He says he really likes my bifurcation, and he notices it whenever I shift from "submissive young girl" to "power woman."  It is funny, but I didn't realize I talk in my head voice when I'm submissive and my chest voice when I'm not--without thinking about it.  (I used to always talk in my head voice, but I worked really hard to not sound like a little girl, but the little girl side of me never worked on that.  That side of me is more vulnerable than self-conscious.)  But he said that I'm the most submissive woman he's ever met, which seems odd to me because when he woke me up from my nap (at the time I asked him to, so I could get used to this time zone), I wanted to rebel.  It was actually hard to obey an order I'd asked him to give me.  I haven't really felt that rebellious for a while, but I wanted to go back to sleep so much!  But I did what he said, and it was good.  However,  it seems weird he thinks I'm so submissive.  But Maxearnest said that he thinks my bifurcation gives me the freedom to just be 100% submissive in that space, rather than 80% submissive and 20% rebellious.  My power woman side is protected by the bifurcation. And my power-woman side has more insight on what is going on with my submissive girl side than she would have.  When I'm in a submissive space, I think much slower.  I have a harder time with big words.  Even this blog post feels less articulate. It is interesting how much that is defined.

I believe he is really seeing me.  I believe we are attracted to each other.  I trust him.  But I still feel a little lost in this whirlwind. But I'm excited.