Risky puritanical tendencies.

I went for an HIV test today.  I don't intend to have sex with Maxearnest, but he got one, and it seems only fair.

Maxearnest and I have completely different approaches.  He got one, matter of fact, but it isn't a huge deal for him.  It was like 'this needs to happen.'  I didn't think I could have HIV.  I had a test after the last person I slept with, but before the '3-month waiting period' was up (and we only ever had sex with condoms).  So, statistically, there was incredibly little chance.  But even so, with all the pictures every where of all the sores that one can have, I'm aware of this 'zero-risk' mentality.

When they were giving me the results (negative, or I wouldn't be blogging like this, I'm sure) the nurse said "have a safe flight" and I was like "I can't control that risk."  And if I were flying for any other reason than to meet a guy that I met on-line, that statement would be a passing courtesy, but instead it is one more thing that I have to control for a zero-risk life when it comes to sex.

Weirdly, though, U.S. society loves risk that isn't related to sex.  What is the worship of "free-market" ideals above all else, except a vibrant embracing of risk?  Even our constant disposable/consumer culture is, in a way, fetishizing the 'new' over the known, which is risky.  The war in Iraq is only the most obvious example of a political culture that wants our leaders to take risks.  Humiliating yourself on national television for 10-seconds of fame seems very high-risk to me.

In all honesty, the riskiest part of my trip to Iceland, whether or not Maxearnest and I have sex, is probably my drive home from the airport, when I'm tired and rush-hour traffic will be at its worst.  But those risks are somehow normalized in our culture.

Yes, going to a hotel with Maxearnest is risky.  He will probably tie me up in Iceland (although not on the first day, I'm sure.)  And once he has tied me up, he could do things that I wouldn't be OK with, and I'm trusting him not to.  But I do trust him.  

But this constant focus in our culture on the risks of being a sexual being have had their impact on me.  I can see that.  Shame our culture doesn't focus on the risks of not being a sexual being.  Those risks, however, are much easier for the corporates to profit off of.