I went to a friend's birthday party tonight--he is a gay guy, and the only one who really knows where Maxearnest and I met. (There are many variations out there--my family believes we met at a youth hostel last week... I even lied to Dotty. I told her that we met because he read my blog. I couldn't tell Dotty I met him on a sex web site.)
So this gay friend, who is never judgmental about sex (although slightly judgmental about my puritanical side) actually had a very nice party (in a home, with karaoke, which was fun!) and I had much-too-much to drink. Limoncello. I'd never had it before. It tastes like a lemon drop, but then it has a real kick. (I got tipsy enough that my friend, who is always pushing me to drink more, said, politely "are you having another drink?" And when I said "seltzer" he, for once, nodded. (I was actually glad--I've only ever felt him push me to drink more.) My friend asked some leading questions, and I ended up telling people that I had gotten back this week from Iceland and hadn't seen much of Iceland.
I miss Maxearnest so much. We are skyping a huge amount. And we are doing things on Skype I never thought I'd do. Vanilla things (we almost cuddled today) and rather kinky things, made slightly harder because I know they are on Skype. But I don't see how we'd get through 2 months without Skype. It will be hard, even with Skype. I think we're both very sexual and tactile people. We will clearly be the kind of people who would prefer to have sex every day.
I told Maxearnest today that I thought we should go to a leather club when he is here. I never in a million years thought I would ever do something like that, and maybe we won't--it is up to him of course. But my old perceived limits are melting. And I would be proud to submit to him in front of other people. Somehow, they would be witnesses to the fact that I'm his, well, slave. In a way that I feel like would be more real, since none of my friends will ever know I have anything other than missionary position. (Actually, a friend was over and needed to borrow some laundry detergent, and I'm pretty darn sure she saw black rope in the laundry room that needs to be washed. But she didn't say anything. Maybe it is left over from a sailing expedition. Of I've started rock climbing. Or maybe I'm studying for my boy scouts exam. Yeah, that's it.)
Anyway, the party ends earlier than I thought it would (11 pm, on a Saturday!), and I'm much too tipsy to drive, so I walk home, along the water. There is a walk that has a lot of cars, but no other pedestrians at night, and I walk along as sing to the water: "I'm in love with a wonderful guy." And I am! I haven't sung outdoors like that, just at the joy of being alive, in decades. I felt like a teenager again. And then I moved onto "A little bit in love (or perhaps a little bit more)" and back and forth between the two songs.
I feel so very blessed. I've been wishing on a star at night, as I am wont to do, but I've just been thanking the stars for sending me what I wanted for so long.
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