Constance or Change

This American Life last week, Nobody's Family is Going To Change, looked at how, basically, families don't change.  And when they do change, it is for the worse.

My family had, no my family has a religion of change.  Personal growth.  Relationship counseling.  Hell, when I have a fight with a parent, I have the family shrink on speed dial.

And I want everyone to change.  I want Barack Obama to stand up to the Republicans.  Oprah should do a show again (not that I ever watched it, but I have clients that miss it).  Hell, Santa Claus, well Santa should have better control over his image and not allow people to use him to sell everything from soda to binge drinking.

Most of my family (except my mom) should stop criticizing me.  But my dad should chill on the reasons I'm wanting to criticize him (even though I keep my mouth shut).  Nate should be a little more dominant with me, and start to make me a priority.  And be emotionally open.  Or Bobby should decide he wants a romantic partner within the parameters of what I can live with.  Oh, and that partner should be me.  My ex should join 2 12-step programs (and sometimes I think Bobby should as well).  My best friend, well she's perfect.  But she should stay here.  Maine is so very, very far away.  My cats should whine and shed less and snuggle more, but not when I'm in nice clothes.  And John, well, John should exist in some, what, parallel universe?  Afterlife?  That's it.  An afterlife.  I want John to be in some spirit form in an afterlife.  And I want him to be really, truly loved.  And I want him to feel that in his bones.  And sometimes I pray for that.  I pray to my dead grandma to watch over him.  I pray to John to be open and loving to my grandma.  I pray to the God that I don't believe in.  I want John to feel unconditional love.  I can't even leave the dead alone.

And me.  Well, there's many ways I'm working on changing me.  I don't always succeed, but I seem to make improvements.  And the striving seems, to me, to help me stay alive and vital.

I assume also that I'll change for the person I'm with. Of course.  Being a submissive just means that.  But I also assume that I have rough edges and I'll do my best to soften for someone I love.  That, of course, is predicated on him having the willingness to help me soften those edges. And that he will do the same for me.  But, unlike Caroline, Connie can change.