Is desire is the root of suffering?

I'm not a Buddhist.  Life would be much easier with my dad if I were.  But I'm just not.  I tend to plan for the future, rather than live in the present (but my present is a hell of a lot better than my friends who lived in the present).  I don't do much drugs; I save for retirement; I exercise, all for the future.  I think having connection with people I love is more important to me than saying whatever I feel in that moment.

But I do see a lot of wisdom in some parts of it, and I'm sometimes wondering about desire being the root of suffering.  It is probably true, but I am still going to ache for things I don't have.

Over the holidays, Bobby was supportive in a way that Nate didn't even realize I wanted.  Nate was sweet and sexy, but when I told him my dad and I were having a hard time, but we're working on it (I left out the hours and hours and hours of therapy), he said "That speaks highly of you both," which is fine. But I really would have liked him to ask about what was going on, or how I felt, or something.

I suppose it isn't fair to compare, as Bobby reads my blog and Nate doesn't know it exists (nor will he, as far as I can see).  But Nate just doesn't have that introspection (or at least I'm not aware of it), and Oh, do I wish Bobby were open for a real relationship and not just fucking around.  Intellectually, I think I shouldn't allow myself to ache for something I can't have.  I have absolutely no evidence that Bobby would want to try something, but I can't help but crave that.  I still believe that Bobby could have been a kindred spirit, and a partner in all meanings of the word.  It is so rare in my life that I meet someone like that.

Originally, I tried to give up kink because I thought I couldn't have it and all the soul work.  Then I figured I couldn't give up kink and gave up on trying to have the soul work.  Nate is as good a man as I've dated in a long time.  But if I think of my soul as a bell, Bobby could make it ring, and Nate doesn't know the bell is there.  Maybe he'd learn to appreciate that side of me because he seems awfully smitten with me, but I feel like it would be watching me figure skate or something--oh, isn't it cute she does that, rather than something we could explore and share together.

I crave more.  It leads to suffering.  It means I can't be friends with Bobby because it just slaps me all the time that I want more.  It means I'm not appreciating Nate, because I want more.  Not being Buddhist, I try and remove the person I crave because I've never been able to control the craving.  I'm not being fair to Nate. Or to Bobby. Or to me.