Intellectual Masturbation

The truth is. I have mostly stopped playing with myself, at least to actually having an orgasm.

When I realized Bobby and I were not going to work, I cut him out of my thoughts when I masturbated.  The problem is, nature abhors a vacuum, and I need new thoughts to put in there.

It has been years since I needed naughty novels to have an orgasm, but it seems like now I do. The problem is, at night, the light that I could read by, the switch is far enough away from my bed that I don't want to have to get up to turn it off.  Furthermore, the light shines in my eyes when I'm in bed in a way that is really unpleasant.

In the morning, the cats are so demanding, and it just isn't sexy to stop every 30 seconds to kick a cat off my bed.  If I close the door, the meow like they are being waxed, which is also not sexy.  Afternoon or early evening is good, but a) I have to be home alone and b) I have to be feeling sexy.  I will totally make it a priority when I have cramps, but otherwise, I haven't made it a priority, in part because it, I, used to come so effortlessly.

Nate has asked me several times if I think of him when I play with myself, and so I do.  But I don't have an orgasm there.  I would need him to tell me what to do.  And I really wish he would.  But when we're fooling around, I have to ask him to tell me what to do, and even then, he is much more likely to say "cum for me baby" then actually give me something to do.

I'm a submissive words girl.  He isn't as dominant as I'd like, and he doesn't love words.

I've never cheated on anyone in my life.  I couldn't cheat on Nate, because we've never had the conversation about not seeing other people.  The difficulty is that I won't sleep with him until we have that conversation, and I won't have that conversation until I don't want to see other people, but I'm not sure that I'll ever get to that point with Nate without sleeping with him.  But I can't see myself truly feeling like this is enough.  I want to be that gal that plays with herself twice a day on some days, not twice a month.