Well, Bobby and I have agreed to exchange writing. Once a month. I think this actually could be great. I can't be his friend, and I have to be careful, but if we could both support the other in or writing, that would be great. I might actually get my romance novel published if a guy is willing to read it! And Bobby write beautifully. (I suppose it is no surprise that I tend to be attracted to men who write beautifully.) He hasn't followed through on his projects (I think he is as bad, or worse, than I am. At least when I distract and numb myself out, it is at my computer so I get a tiny bit done. He distracts and numbs in far more interesting ways, but perchance less productive.)
I was talking with Dotty last night about her decision to move. I could have kept her from going; but it would have meant betraying our friendship by lying to her. She's scared. She doesn't want to move. Not as scared as I am to face life without her. And being Dotty, she could tell I'm down and was trying to be helpful--what did I need: A vacation? Yes, but I gave up my chance for a vacation before Easter to help her move. I couldn't tell her that.
I told her that my talent was smaller than my ambition. And she said "that isn't true--what do you want to do?" And I told her "be president of the United States or star in a Broadway show, of fall madly in love and get married and have kids" and she said "is that really the best match for your talents." It's funny--I had to tell a kid at a place I volunteer that he couldn't be president when he grew up, because he wasn't born in this country. And here is my best friend telling me I can't be president, which I already knew. But if I could start getting some of my stuff published, it might fill the chasm. In addition to the romance novel, I have several boring industry pieces I want to write. And maybe an autobiography (although not about the stuff here--I've actually fantasized about a publisher approaching me to put this into book form, but I doubt that will happen). And sometimes I think that John and my correspondence would make a really compelling book. I don't know if that is hubris on my part. But I think it is pretty interesting stuff. That would, of course, have to be anonymous.
So, exchanging writing with Bobby would be really good. That said, I have to be careful. I can't allow myself to fall for Bobby more than the residual falling that is already there. I think Bobby likes to be liked. (Who doesn't?) He can't try to pull me in. We have to keep a healthy, professional distance.
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